My first son walked at 10 months old.
He met all milestones early.
Neither of my sons have experienced any serious illnesses.
They have great immune systems.
My second son is in the 95th percentile for weight and the 60th for height.
He’s been sleeping an undisturbed 10 hours straight and has been doing so for months.
I held both of my sons close and looked deep into their eyes while feeding.
I like to wear scarves for Byron to fiddle with during feeds.
He falls asleep in my arms as he feeds and we cuddle for a long time.
Feeding time has always been a deeply intimate bonding experience for us.
***
Do I sound like a breastfeeding mother?
I’m not. I formula-fed both of my sons; my second son was fed primarily from a bottle right from birth.
I am tired of the shame. I felt so
much guilt and shame for not being able to breastfeed my children. The way the lactation consultant patronized me when I couldn’t do it, the way she said “Well there’s obviously something wrong with you” when my blistering and blackened nipples failed to produce more than a mere drop of milk despite the constant expressing…it filled me with a sense of failure. And what for? My babies, as noted above, have achieved everything that breastfeeding mums give themselves credit for because they were lucky enough to breastfeed. But when my babies achieve it, I can’t congratulate myself. For me, it’s just the luck of the draw that my kids thrived so well despite the lack of the boob.
Is it jealousy, the reason why I feel a pang of annoyance and even offense when I read tweets like “My baby does [insert awesome thing here], it’s the breast milk!”? I think to myself…well, no, my baby does that too. I see people retweeting anti-Formula tweets about a baby’s death due to bacteria found in the formula; “This is why I don’t formula feed” they say, but no one ever points out that children have died after breastfeeding too, for example when the mother has taken narcotics. Freak accidents. Both incidents.
And if it is jealousy driving my feelings when I read such things, why am I jealous? My babies are content and thriving, we enjoy
each other’s skin-to-skin and eye-contact every time we feed, I have nothing to envy. Nothing but the admiration and approval of our very pro-breastfeeding society. I envy that.
I’m an awesome mum. My kids are awesome kids who achieve milestones and thrive. I always give them the best I’ve got to give and sometimes, breast is not best. I tried. My first son lost significant amounts of weight and wailed with hunger whilst I sat around crying and overcome with failure and depression, forcing him onto dry and infected nipples. I refused to put myself or my next son through that again the second time around and simply gave him my colostrum along with formula from Day 1. Both children thrived on formula. Why do I feel so ashamed and guilty?
I think society could use some more support and understanding for those mothers who cannot breastfeed, or those who chose not to. There’s nothing more hurtful to a mother than it being implied that she is not doing the best for her children. All these “breast is best” campaigns, they make us breastfeeding “failures” feel like second-rate mothers.
Think about it like this. To me it’s just as hurtful as if someone put “Vaginal is best!” posters all over a delivery suite. Yes, we all know vaginal births are the least risky and most ideal way to give birth. But some women can’t do it and some women exercise their right to just plain choose not to do it and have a c-section instead. But the consequences of their choice or inability isn’t constantly rubbed in their face in the media simply for the sake of making the mothers that COULD do it feel great about it…and the mothers that couldn’t feel shamed and hurt.
Sometimes it’s not a choice.
And so what if sometimes it is? Do women not have the right to make choices related to their own bodies without being guilted or shamed?
{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }
You are so right. Breast isn’t always best my friend had a very similar experience that you had with Blake. She wasnt making enough milk but all the specialists were at her all the time that she has to breast feed if she wants a healthy child but he was anything but healthy he didn’t put on any weight in the first 4 months of his life he lost weight and weight less at 4 months then he did at birth and she did nothing but cry and tell me how much of a bad mother she is. So in the end I brought her a tin of formula and told her to try it well he gulped it down and it was the first time he was satisfied and has done nothing but grow and is back on track. Now in my eyes that just shows you how narrow minded people are.
What ever works for mum and baby is what should matter
My mother also wasn’t able to breastfeed me and I don’t blame her. I’ve always been very healthy, reached all milestones in time and I don’t even have any allergies, so all of those negative consequences which people always relate to formula-feeding don’t apply to me
Have you recently heard of the Russian mother who killed her child by breastfeeding drunk? That is so terrible..
http://www.myfoxorlando.com/dpp/news/offbeat/123011-russian-mom-kills-baby-son-by-breastfeeding-him-while-drunk-ncx
No! call your childs physician and let him/her know what you have been perscribed, never take anything that says your not supposed to while Breastfeeding, Dont risk it.
Ana
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Breastfeeding for me is really awesome and we are all aware of it…
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Yay Bryon now he is crawling! Who would of thought he could with the above :p. So glad you can stand up for yourself and everyone else who is scared
Good work, Emma. I don’t doubt your parenting for a second. Some people don’t get to breast feed, that’s life. It’s the parents who make active choices in their children’s lives which lead to detriment that we need to worry about. You are so active and educated in the way you raise your kids – and they thrive as a result. I wasn’t breastfed.
Nice post, Emma. Breastfeeding’s tough, and I tell my wife Brenda how much I love her every day.
-Derrick
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. You are so active and educated in the way you raise your kids – and they thrive as a result..I think breast feeding is really nice..
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Are you sure your only 23… you write with such wisdom. I love this blog, you have hit the nail right on the head. I went through exactly what you wrote with my first but through sheer guilt I expressed my own milk for 10 months… I was physically and mentally exhausted, not only was I getting up to bottle feed a baby breast milk, but once that was done, I then had to express and sterilise and then go back to bed just intime for my 2.5 hour feed child to wake up again and groundhog day started all over again. 2nd child I gave it six days then went to formula, 3rd child I could feed successfully but at 6 weeks I got a blood clot in my lung and the medication meant I couldn’t feed her, guilt came again until the midwife told me I was lucky to be alive and that my child needed me more than she needed the milk. Australia is terrible for the pressure put onto new mother’s I am originally from the UK and there is none of this pressure over there, if anything they could be doing with a bit more knowledge about the situation. I have heard that some midwife’s are on commission to ensure mother’s breastfeed, whether that is true or not I have no idea. For the record all my children are very healthy, and the one child that was bottle fed the earliest (2nd child) is extremely clever – go figure – each to their own, I say!
I am not a parent yet but I will say that you should not be feeling any shame or pressure (if you decide to have another). Think about raising kids as something more long term than when they are babys and look at the end product!
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Yeah me to I agree, that breast feed is the best for our babies, that’s why I breast feed my daughter until she reach 2 years old I’m of it, nothing has change..
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My wife insists on breastfeeding all our kids – and it put tremendous stress on her. The payoff is unmeasurable!
Nice post!
-Martin Bowles
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I commend you for breast feeding. I did too! Any questions on anything pertaining to medications and breast feeding please call your lactation consultant. You should be able to call the hospital where you gave birth and ask for Labor & Delivery, and whoever answers the phone, ask if there is a lactation consultant on duty, and if not, ask if there is anyone in the nursery that can help you. They were my lifesavers! Also, watch what you take over the counter. Call and ask before you do anything.
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Breast feeding is really recommended for babies and they give a lot of benefits…I have already proven it…
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I definately will go with breastfeeding. It is difficult at first but eventually, once you get the hang of it it seems easier than bottle feeding. As a person who went through post partum depression with the two first children I felt breastfeeding really helped me bond with the youngest child…
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I was given the whole guilt trip thing too when I stopped breast feeding. I tried for weeks and the pain and soreness got the better of me. I was at the stage where I was literally crying every time my son came near me for a feed and I was starting to resent him and depression was starting to set in. I expressed for a few weeks after that, but when I finally started formula feeding after about 6 weeks it was the biggest relief of my life. If I have another child I’ll go straight to formula – breast feeding is not for me. Oh and my son never gets sick, is probably one of the healthiest (and tallest) children in his class, and at the age of 8 has a reading age of 12+. Formula has done him no harm whatsover. Breast is best? Definitely not in our case.
Yeah, your story sounds a lot like mine.
it’s horrible. The change in my first son when I switched from breastmilk to formula was incredible – he went from a skinny, unsettled baby who cried often to a content chubby little bub who fell straight to sleep mid-bottle.
Thanks for posting! I was not breast fed and have not had an allergy either. I think it is ridiculous. I think anyone who puts themselves above others for a choice they make is kind of sad and shows they lack self-esteem.
Same! I was formula-fed as a baby too, didn’t receive an ounce of breastmilk, and I’m a very healthy person. No allergies, no diseases, never even broken a bone.
Also, Mickie, noone is saying breastfeeding isn’t good. What the point is is that those who breastfeed should not make those who don’t feel like less of a woman or mother, because they are equal!
Breastmilk is really healthy and it gives a lot of benefits…
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I couldn’t agree with you more! My 6mth old is bottle fed (so was my now 2yo) – I didn’t really have problems feeding, but it really just wasn’t working. I’ve also had two c-sections – the first was an emergency after nearly 40hrs of labour, the second was planned (I was told my pelvis was too small to give birth naturally). Both my girls have done things really early. I’m so over all the criticism for formula feeding and the c-sections – Whatever is best for both mum and bub (both physically and emotionally) is what is best in the long run, regardless of whether it is formula or breast, or vaginal or c-section. I do think those who give their children juice/softdrink/cordial in a bottle is wrong though!
Oh yeah, absolutely. Cordial in a baby’s bottle just seems awful!
Totally agree with you on BFing though. It’s wonderful for the women that it works well for, but it’s so rife with guilt and shame for women when it goes badly. No one tells you that it doesn’t always go well. No one says that it might not be for you, then it comes as a huge negative shock when it turns out that it’s not that easy for everyone.
Dearest Emma,
I wanted to do this in a video but I just wasn’t feel it so here you go ! I asked if you remembered me, I made you some fan~girl vids before. Because I am such a fan girl ! I have been watching your vids since I was about 11 or 12 ( I’m 15 now ) and ever since I have absolutely adored you ! You were my role model and I wanted to be just like you in any way possible ! lol I remember writing Happy Monday, Happy Tuesday, Happy Wednesday, ect.~ect.~ect. in your youtube comments years ago but you never replied. So to me you were kind of a celeb in the way I couldn’t reach you. I remember when you got preg with Blake though and you started talking to others including me. I was so happy and shocked because I mean I remember when I was going to ” real school ” ( I’m home schooled online now ) and getting in trouble for accidentally using your accent. hahaha I remember thinking this is just so cool, “she talked to me !! She talked to me !!” I remember watching all your videos and looking at all your flickr pictures. After you deleted your old vids, I was a little sad because they were part of my childhood however I totally understood because… I made some vids when I was going through such a tough time and I can’t wait them to this day. I had to delete them. I have no idea what happened to your old videos though. Ps- I have had A LOT of acc changes over the years from forgetting passwords to just plain OCD. I thought it was so crazy~cool that I got to see you grow up into a young adult getting engaged, married and having Blake and Byron. It made me a lot more interested in pregnancy as well. lol I educated myself a lot more about it after all of that. Girl, you were a big part of my childhood- I was getting bullied in school because I was sick and found comfort in watching your videos. :’) I got jealous of Jen, Emmalene, because they were you friends who got to talk to you whenever and got to send you stuff which I wanted to do. lol Anyways I feel like I’m missing something because I have been a fan for so long ! lol Just wanted to say love you and hope you still remember little old me, Love, Julia <3
Oh man, thanks so much for this message Julia, I love it and can’t believe I had such a positive influence on someone’s life. It’s the nicest thing to hear, it really is.
You’re right, I did only start truly interacting with my “fans” after my popularity died down and I started my family. I do remember the comments you used to leave! I guess I never replied to people directly because there were simply so many commenters that I felt if I replied to one, I’d have to reply to them all and I’d be there all day! It became a LOT easier to respond to people when my audience became smaller, which I’m thankful for. I hope you didn’t feel like I was ignoring you…I feel kind of bad because that would have been a bad feeling if you were being bullied at that time too.
I’m so happy to know that my presence online helped you through a negative time in your life and I hope things are much better for you now. Things have a way of changing for the better very quickly and without warning, as you’d know having followed me for all these years!
I really appreciate your friendship and kind words
thanks so much!! Xoxo
Your so welcome. :’) I’m glad you feel good about it !
It didn’t make me feel too upset, I just did it for fun but I think I did it more like a chore because I really did want to meet you. & I thought that was kind of the only way at the time, my silly ideas.
Yeah it really did make me happy. I remember when you posted a new video, sometimes I’d literally jump for joy. XD
You see I had a lot of medical issues so I was bullied, because the other kids were jealous I had to go home or call in sick a lot. It’s kinda ironic how ppl will be mean to the sick kid when really you should be nicer I think. Anyways home schooled now – I seriously just could not take their crap anymore. It made me feel awful everyday.
I REALLY appreciate your friendship too Emma.
I love you so much<3 Your welcome ! xoxoxoxoxo
P.S. about the guy that went to Preachers-
I only felt bad about breaking it off because in the back of my head I thought I'd never find another guy like him ( which is so untrue. I know I'll find a guy that kicks ass one day, I have faith. =] ) & that he felt bad about me breaking it off which I'm sure he didn't because he has so many mates that love him. Plus he was an ex drug dealer. Tried to kill himself and self harmed before which I personally don't like to surround myself with ppl who were in that position because I was when I was getting bullied really bad. I feel so much better now though. Haven't been that upset in… like 4 years now.
So I feel really great about breaking it off, it now feels almost as if it never happened. I only knew him for about 3 or 4 days but we would have like 5 hour skype calls and whatnot.
Life really does have a way of changing for the better.
Anyways *hugs* Have a good one and say hi to the boys for me.
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As a new mother, I was really timid about breastfeeding. I am slowly getting more used to it, but I’m glad to see others input here about their experiences.
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I like your thoughts about breastfeeding. I really wish you could do it. Anyways, I’m happy that your sons are doing well even if they were formula-fed.
Thanks again for sharing your experience.
~Kim
Great share, Emma!
I’m glad that everything went well on your end after not having been able to breastfed your 2 sons. Doctors and experts would really know the best for us when something is not working right.
~Lyn
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Wow, I am really happy to hear about your child’s achievements, It really makes you proud and I could feel it reading your post regarding the development. I hope and they achieve more heights in their future.
Thanks
Mark
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Your thoughts are overwhelming. This post will inspire many mothers to breastfeed their babies. It is very essential for a mother to know the benefits of breastfeeding to help her weigh things up on what to choose against formula milk.
Thank you for inspiring us! Keep on writing.
-Lea Dee
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Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I really enjoyed reading it, you are a great author.I will be sure to bookmark your blog and will come back at some point. I want to encourage you to continue your great job, have a nice evening!
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I started to read this thinking ‘not another breast is best, formula feeding sucks’ post, but I’m glad to say I was pleasantly surprised.
I tried to feed my daughter from day one, but I was in so much pain from it, and getting no help that my panic disorder/anxiety problems went through the roof and I found myself blaming her. I developed pnd, and had to go on anti-anxiety meds, and couldn’t feed her anymore.
My own mother gave me grief over ‘giving up’, but my daughter was crawling at 4 months, standing at 6m and walking well by 10m. She’s a little behind on talking (2-3 words only at 17m), but I put that down to being more interested in running around than sitting and talking.
We’re due with no 2 in April, and your post here as given me the courage to colostrum/formula feed right from the get go. Thank you for saying what really shouldn’t have needed to be said
Before I gave birth to my son, I was 100% going to breastfeed. I was told by my mid wife that it was not only te best option but the ONLY option for “good mothers.” when my son was born, I puy him on my breast the minute I held him but his sugar levels were
I switched my son to formula right away and everything was wonderfull! My son also sleeps through the night and hit his milestones early. My mid wife said I was lying at that there is no way woman can’t produce enough milk. I laughed and told her I would be going elsewhere and she replied ” he will have ear infections and more colds and illness, just you see!” he is a year and a half and has not been sick a day in his life!
Low and they ran a tube from a bottle of formula to my nipple because the formula boosted his levels better than breastmilk. He hated the tube and would not latch (I had to do it for two days) the. When I was sent home, I started feeding him regularly and sermed to have no problems at all, but I did notice he cried after every feeding. I could have him on for an hour and he would still cry! I took him in to the doctor who infomed me he had lost weight at a serious rate and it was due to the fact I was not producing enough milk to keep up with him. His sugar level also dropped very low since I had stopped giving him formula with the breast milk. I actually felt like A faliure of a mom because I was NOT formula feeding and starving my little boy
I have seem many women post on other women’s FB status’ that they should make sure they do vaginal delivery because of all the issues that happen with C Sections. They preach…that is what your body is made for! I mean seriously? Some women cannot give birth naturally. I’ve even seen women say don’t get any drugs. So many preach as if because they did it, so can everyone else.
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This is definitely awesome!!
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This information is a big help for me..I am really interested while reading on it..Thank you for sharing..Looking forward to read more of your blog..
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I know this is what most mothers want to know…Thanks!!
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I really feel for you. I believe that not all of the children’s health, intelligence and survival are effects of breast feeding. You don’t have to be guilty there. How many children do you have right now?
I bey they grew healthy without being breast fed.
-Luchie
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No you have to go to your physician before doing anything, don’t take a risk for that.
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For me, still breastmilk is still the best for babies. It is very essential for a mother to know the benefits of breastfeeding, many benefits both for the baby and to a mother.
You are right Emmalina, Mother’s milk is still best for babies.. Breast milk are rich of vitamins which are essential for the growth and body of a baby. Formula milk is just an alternative. Don’t waste your money for those expensive formula milk. Save it for your baby.
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Hi Emmalina, I used to watch your videos aages ago (when they were really popular on youtube) and just started looking at your blogs etc. again after becoming a young mum too (I’m 19) Just wanted to say thank you- your posts have really been helpful to me. I had an episiotomy and forceps delivery like you and I’ve been feeling soo angry and disappointed about the way the birth went (not what i wanted at all!) but your blog about having a lovely second birth has sent hope to me (:
Anyway, on this blog.. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve breastfed for the past month and finally ‘admitted defeat’ and switched to the bottle. My son now sleeps at night (albeit in 2-3 hour chunks but that’s bliss compared to the non-stop breastfeeding he wanted for hours on end every night) and I was in a lot of pain that it became a massive chore and I dreaded feeding time. Since he’s been on bottles I’m a much happier person.. but it’s horrible coping with the guilt and the shame. I feel particularly bad as a young mummy.. because people look even harder for faults and for points to criticise, that you feel overwhelming pressure to do everything perfectly, just to prove you are capable. I agree that it should be made clearer that breastfeeding is not a breeze and some people can’t do it- I used to think I’d be able to do it for at least six months, and it’s such a disappointment when you can’t live up to your expectations.
But, at the end of the day, formula is what’s best for me and my baby. Happy mummy= Happy baby
xx
Breastfeeding is good but if you can’t I thinks it is ok because their are lots of alternatives for that. I think their is already a breast milk that are for sale in the market nowadays.
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Breast feeding is still best for babies. Breast milk has a complete vitamins that babies needs to boost their immune system. We all know that infant formula milk has a lot of artificial chemicals that can harm our babies and sometimes cause of death.
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